Mom

This month is a sucky month, the 23rd will be the 36th anniversary of my mom's death. I get very sad on that day, and remember the day I had to run in and check her pulse to see if she was alive, I had to call the ambulance as I watched blood seep out of her wound. That is something you never forget. I was 17 and three months pregnant. I don't condone teen pregnancy, I think it is a very bad idea. You are not ready to be a parent, but, if I wasn't having a baby I would not be here. I wanted to die. I still have nightmares about it. It never goes away. My mom wasn't the best mom in the world, she liked her wine, but compared to the way my life was before I went to live with her, I was just happy I wasn't getting hit anymore. I was abused in every way you could think of, even while living with her I was molested twice,I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid it was my fault and I would get beat. mothers day is coming, please remember your mom, I can't. I had to be a parent without any help from her, she never met my children. So this mothers day, spoil your mom, tell her everyday you love her. Someday she will be gone. I actually get angry when I witness kids talking back to their moms, I want to shake them and tell them how lucky they are to have a mom. Sometimes I am sad when my kids remind me of some things I did while they grew up, they don't realize I didn't have my mom to call, I had to call my sister Sheree, she was the closes thing I had to a mom, she was a mother. They say you learn to parent by the way you were patented, my kids are lucky I didn't, they were never hit by me, and when my ex-husband hit them I wanted to seriously hurt him. If I made you sad that wasn't my intention, my intention is to remind you to tell your mom every chance you get to tell your mom you love her, and cherish every minute you have with her, I can't.

Realization

Yesterday I was a little heart broken, i am just there, just someone to help, then I realized, time does make the heart grow fonder. Duh. I am around to much. Missing my mom for the last 36 years, I didn't want anyone to feel that, but they will, I won't live forever. I try to do what I can to ease lives, what I hear is, my life sucked. A persons job is to make your families life better than yours, and let me tell you, I did that two folds. This may all be menopause, but being sad sucks. Most people brought up like me could care less about others, I am the opposite, I care more, I don't want anyone to be sad, to be hurt or to have to struggle, it makes me cry, and I get treated like a piece of furniture until needed. This isn't for anyone to feel sorry for me, my niece Traci taught me that blogging helps you feel better, and she is so right. I miss her not being on Facebook, I understand why she's not, but I miss her. Hope y'all have a blessed day, and I am O.K

Darla Wood

New blog I don't know

      I don't know what else to do. I have tried to communicate, with no luck. I call and get a text message 2 weeks later. I am at a loss. I am not going to try anymore. Why stress myself out to just get hurt again. The only time I get a call is to get screamed at. 1 of 2 things is going to happen. You are going to need me because you got hurt again, or I will pass away and you will be riddled with guilt. I always told myself my mom would never die, and at 42 she was gone. Everyone who loses a loved one has guilt, and when you treat them like crap, the guilt is really bad.
     I am also tired of walking on egg shells. Everyone needs to shut up, the world doesn't revolve around you. There are more important things in peoples lives that, to them, are very important. When I try to plan something and it gets all messed up, I could care less. If people don't show, more for me. My brothers didn't come to my wedding, I still had a wonderful time, I still married the best man ever. I just don't care. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but come on people. Life is to short to be upset all the time. This is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get another try. Calm down.
      My life was hell, 8 or 9 fosterhomes, where they beat you everyday. I ran away 10 times to get away from abuse, slept with pigs, rats and cows. When I went to live with my mom, I was black and blue from my waist to the back of my knees, 2 of my moms friends sexually molested me. My mom was an alcholic, and was murdered at 42, while I witnessed it. My first husband was a cheater and an abuser. Life always throws you blows. You just pick yourself up and go on. You can't expect others to give you happiness, that is your job, and yours alone.
      I think it might be the flu that is getting me emotional, but whatever. Maybe I should of just gone to bed and shut up. I think I am going to become a recluse and just be me and my husband and my kids and grandkids. The drama is to much, this one has been mean for months, this one doesn't do what I think she should do. This one lives this way, do it my way, I am right. I have been through some bad crap and survived, and I think I am a better person for it. Chill out people, tomorrow is a new day. Don't right back with smart remarks, this isn't against one  individual, well except the beginning. My life will continue to go on until it doesn't anymore, ( that was profound) so I am over all of it. Ya'll have a blessed day, and freekin smile.

     Darla Jean Wood

Mothers

I am wondering how children can treat there mothers like they are worthless. When I was 17 my mom was murdered. Till this day I miss her. And to listen to people treating there moms bad just makes me very angry. Granted,mothers aren't perfect. Yes they do make mistakes,but someday you will need them and they will be there, but they will never forget the way you are treating them. If you are mad at them because of a divorce it isn't your place to take sides. They didn't do it to hurt you. Like in my first marriage my kids had no idea what was really going on.
I want you, if you treat your mom bad, to sit in a quit room and think how you would feel if your mom passed away today. I am not saying this to hurt you, this is so you can wake up and realize how you would feel. The guilt will eat at you everyday. I am thankful I wasn't mean to my mom, doesn't help with the pain of not having her around, but you really don't want that guilt.
This is for the other parents, do not talk bad about your ex spouses in front of your children, and if you do shame on you. If the child will need there mother and you have alienated them from there parent
It really makes me very angry when I witness this. and don't think it will never happen to you, that is what I always thought. My mom won't die for a very long time, but one day I walked passed her room and witnessed her boyfriend shoot her in the head. It was the worse day of my life, and believe me I have had some bad days, and I was 3 months pregnant and all alone. Wake up, no one knows how long they have on this earth, and when there gone, there gone