Mom

This month is a sucky month, the 23rd will be the 36th anniversary of my mom's death. I get very sad on that day, and remember the day I had to run in and check her pulse to see if she was alive, I had to call the ambulance as I watched blood seep out of her wound. That is something you never forget. I was 17 and three months pregnant. I don't condone teen pregnancy, I think it is a very bad idea. You are not ready to be a parent, but, if I wasn't having a baby I would not be here. I wanted to die. I still have nightmares about it. It never goes away. My mom wasn't the best mom in the world, she liked her wine, but compared to the way my life was before I went to live with her, I was just happy I wasn't getting hit anymore. I was abused in every way you could think of, even while living with her I was molested twice,I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid it was my fault and I would get beat. mothers day is coming, please remember your mom, I can't. I had to be a parent without any help from her, she never met my children. So this mothers day, spoil your mom, tell her everyday you love her. Someday she will be gone. I actually get angry when I witness kids talking back to their moms, I want to shake them and tell them how lucky they are to have a mom. Sometimes I am sad when my kids remind me of some things I did while they grew up, they don't realize I didn't have my mom to call, I had to call my sister Sheree, she was the closes thing I had to a mom, she was a mother. They say you learn to parent by the way you were patented, my kids are lucky I didn't, they were never hit by me, and when my ex-husband hit them I wanted to seriously hurt him. If I made you sad that wasn't my intention, my intention is to remind you to tell your mom every chance you get to tell your mom you love her, and cherish every minute you have with her, I can't.

Realization

Yesterday I was a little heart broken, i am just there, just someone to help, then I realized, time does make the heart grow fonder. Duh. I am around to much. Missing my mom for the last 36 years, I didn't want anyone to feel that, but they will, I won't live forever. I try to do what I can to ease lives, what I hear is, my life sucked. A persons job is to make your families life better than yours, and let me tell you, I did that two folds. This may all be menopause, but being sad sucks. Most people brought up like me could care less about others, I am the opposite, I care more, I don't want anyone to be sad, to be hurt or to have to struggle, it makes me cry, and I get treated like a piece of furniture until needed. This isn't for anyone to feel sorry for me, my niece Traci taught me that blogging helps you feel better, and she is so right. I miss her not being on Facebook, I understand why she's not, but I miss her. Hope y'all have a blessed day, and I am O.K

Darla Wood